


Faded Memories

by flywiththegryffindork



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2018-10-21 10:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10683117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flywiththegryffindork/pseuds/flywiththegryffindork
Summary: After the war with Hybern has ended, Feyre has found a room in her Court that she has never visited. Within it, she learns more about Rhysand's past and those he once loved through a series of memories and flashbacks





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone!! This is my first fic for ACOTAR, so I would love any comments you have! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy! I have not read ACOWAR yet, so this does not contain any spoilers and new chapters won't have spoilers either.

     I felt absolutely ridiculous. Somehow, on the way to Rhys’s office I ended up heading down one of the many labyrinthine hallways of the Night Court’s palace, and found myself utterly lost. I thought that I had learned my way around, but we spent more time at the House of Wind and Rhysand’s apartment than in the palace itself. 

       I continued down the hall I was in, curious about where I actually was. Surrounded by stone and faelight, I felt at ease in my court, despite my misplaced circumstances. I had never ventured down this corridor, and decided to follow it to ease my curiosity. 

     The corridor ended at a large wooden door. I knocked, wondering if I were about to intrude on someone. There was no reply, so I eased open the heavy door, pleased to find it unlocked.  The first thing I encountered was darkness and the smell of dust, as though the room had not been cleaned in ages. I pulled the faelight into the room with me, so that I could see everything more clearly. 

      I found myself standing in a bedroom. All of the furniture was covered in dust, and I wondered how long it had been since someone had slept there. It could have been centuries. The room seemed to have been left completely untouched, since the last occupant. As I entered the room, I nearly tripped over a pile of shoes and dresses. I was reminded of how Nesta would change clothes twelve times before going out, as though she could hide our poverty from the rest of town. She’d leave the clothes in piles to clean up later, like the former occupant of this room.

When I recovered and managed to step onto an empty area of floor space, I noticed a large canopy bed dominating the area. The bedcovers were a midnight blue and were covered in pillows of all shapes and sizes. On the other side of the room sat a vanity, made of the same mahogany as the bed. I approached it.

The table was covered with things that one would typically find on a vanity. There was a hairbrush, some ribbons, hairpins, and jewelry, but what stood out the most was a silver diadem sitting upon a velvet pillow. I picked it up, wiping off the dust and examining it. It was identical to the crown of stars that I had seen Rhys wear on rare occasion, except this one had settings with sapphire. 

I carefully put the crown back where it belonged, when the art on the wall caught my eye. I’d noticed it on the way in but hadn’t given it a good look yet. Hanging on the wall near the window was a massive portrait. Within it, two people stood side by side, a male and a female.

I immediately recognized my mate. He looked almost exactly the same as he did the last time I saw him. In the portrait, Rhys looked absolutely regal. He looked every bit the High Lord that he is. He was dressed in a silver tunic with black pants and boots. He stood with perfect posture, the matching crown of stars upon his brow and his hand upon a sword at his waist. 

     The female beside him looked almost like a mirror image. They were both the exact same height, with dark hair and violet eyes. Her hair fell down in loose curls upon her shoulders. She wore a matching silver gown and the very crown that I had picked up moments before. She stood beside him, hand outstretched with an orb of darkness hovering above it. She had only a slight smile on her face, but there was a mischief in her eyes that the artist had somehow managed to capture. 

     “I think you would have gotten along well with her,” spoke a voice from behind me.

Startled, I threw my shields up out of reflex. I turned to see my mate standing before me, and I sighed, relaxing. 

      “Must you sneak around? You scared me half to death,” I said with a frown.

      He shrugged, and walked up to stand by my side. He wordlessly surveyed the portrait, before I spoke again.

“Is that your sister?” I asked, and he nodded.

“Calliope. She was my twin. The portrait doesn’t do her justice,” he said, his eyes still glued to the painting of her. I stared at him. He had never told me that his sister had also been his twin. Perhaps, I had never thought to ask.

We stood in silence before he spoke again.

“I haven’t let anyone touch her bedroom since her death,” he murmured, almost to himself rather than me.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come in here. I got turned around in the hallway and curiosity got the best of me,” I spoke, and he shook his head.

“This is your home as much as it is mine. There is no place in our court that is off limits to you, Feyre darling,” Rhys replied. 

I nodded. He was being kind, but I felt as though I had stepped onto sacred ground. I turned to leave before a thought occurred to me. I wanted to know more about her. The girl in the picture that had shared a childhood with my mate.

Turning back towards him, I found that Rhys had not moved from the spot in front of the painting. This room was all he had left of her. I thought of my mother, who had only left me with a burden and wondered how different it must have been for him. Rhys, in all his dark glory seemed small beneath the massive painting. 

“Will you tell me about her?” I asked. He turned his eyes to me, warmth flooding through our bond. He nodded, and unceremoniously plopped down upon Calliope’s bed in a small cloud of dust. 

I sneezed. Rhys chuckled quietly, and then I joined him on the massive bed. He laid down on one of the many pillows, staring up at the canopy. 

“I’d rather show you, Feyre,” he said, shutting his eyes. I laid down beside him, taking his hand.

He gave it a squeeze and I closed my own eyes. I relaxed and nudged gently against Rhys’s mental shields. One by one, he let them down for me. I moved past each one, feeling completely at ease with him. I could sense the utter trust he held for me as I carefully moved through his mind.

The last shield came down, and I found myself within a memory. 

_ I stood on the roof of the House of Wind, looking out over Velaris. The wind brushed against my wings, and I longed to dive off of the roof and fly, but I was waiting. Hearing footsteps, I turned and grinned. Calliope stood looking absolutely irritated and disheveled, and I felt the smile disappear from my face. _

_ Her dark hair was falling out of its braid and the expression she wore showed nothing but pure stress. Her wings were absent.  _

_ “Are you alright?” I asked, frowning at her appearance. She shook her head. _

_ I watched as she walked to the edge of the roof and sat down, feet dangling from the ledge. My sister patted a spot next to her, and so I sat.  _

_ She waited several long moments before speaking. _

_ “Mor hates me, now,” she murmured.  _

_ “What makes you think that?” I asked, trying my best to avoid gaping at her. Mor was her best friend, it would take something horrible to make her that angry. _

_ “She told me so,” Calliope said, absently kicking her boot against the stonework of the building where we sat.  _

_ “Tell me what happened, then,” I prompted, giving her a gentle shove.  _

_ “Az asked me to go with him to the Moonlight Ball, and I said yes,” she murmured and I turned, raising an eyebrow at her.  _

_ “And she's angry?”  _

_ “She thinks he asked me to make her jealous, and that I should've told him no,” my twin replied, shaking her head.  _

_ “Why didn't you?” I asked and she glared back at me.  _

_ “Because I want to go with him, Rhys. Contrary to popular belief, Mor doesn't have a damn monopoly on all the males in the city,” she snarled.  _

_ “She's always liked Azriel, you know that,” I replied.  _

_ Calliope stared at me blankly.  _

_ “You're defending her? I thought you of all people would be on my side,” she said, incredulous.  _

_ “I'm always on your side, but getting between Mor and Azriel is setting yourself up for trouble,” I said and she shook her head.  _

_ “He asked me, and honestly I don't believe Azriel is petty enough to do something like that just to upset Mor,” Calliope frowned.  _

_ I nodded, she was right. He wouldn't do that. If he wanted to go with Mor he would have asked her.  _

_ “Just have a good time with Azriel, then. Give Mor some space and I’m sure once things settle down, she’ll realize that one ball isn’t that big of a deal in light of eternity,” I said.  _

_ The princess of the Night Court nodded, and finally gave me a smile. _

_ “You’re right, Rhys. It’s just one ball, and we  _ **_do_ ** _ have forever,” She said, relief flooding her voice. Her taloned wings materialized behind her as she stood. _

_ “Shall we fly, then?” I asked and she nodded. She dove off of the roof in momentary freefall, the rush of adrenaline coloring her cheeks before she snapped out her wings to fly. I quickly joined her and together we flew circles around Velaris.  _

The memory ended, and I retreated from Rhys’s mind. Through the bond, I could feel the ache of how much he missed her. This brief memory was only a taste of what he remembered of her. And I could sense that this was the first time in ages he had allowed himself to truly think about his sister without the regret and guilt that he usually carried with him.

“Thank you, Feyre, I needed this,” Rhys murmured. I looked over at him and he opened his eyes, offering me a smile that was nearly identical to the one that I had seen on Calliope’s face.

“Will you show me more?” I asked, and he nodded. 

“Perhaps I can introduce you to my mother,” Rhys said, and before I knew it, those shields were down and I was reliving another memory.


	2. Chapter 2

_ I floated on my back in the cool water of the Sidra. The sun was beginning to set, and we had been swimming for hours. I was starting to get hungry for dinner, but I certainly didn’t want to be the person to suggest going home. A splash of water across my face and two giggles snapped me out of my reverie.  _

_ “Hey!” I stood up, my feet barely touching the bottom of the river. I kicked off of the bottom of the riverbed, glancing around for the culprit that had splashed me. Mor and Calliope were floating beside me, looks of pure, saintly, innocence across their faces.  _

_ “Something wrong, princeling?” Calliope smirked. _

_ Mor covered her mouth, trying to hide the smile creeping across her face.  _

_ In reply, I splashed my sister. She squealed, eyes wide like she couldn’t believe I’d avenge myself.  It was better to be safe than sorry, I reasoned. So when Mor cackled at Calliope’s reaction, I splashed her too. _

_ Soon, it was an all out war. I was clearly outnumbered, so to make up for my complete lack of resources I had to dive down to the bottom of the river and retrieve mud to throw. I came up from the bottom and tossed a handful of it towards my cousin, who deftly dodged to the side. _

_ “You’ll have to do better than that!” She taunted, and sent a splash of water my way. _

_ I tossed another handful toward my twin, who tried to dodge too late and ended up with a lump of it in her hair. She screamed and lunged for me, mud running down her face. I swam for my life, trying to get away from her as she splashed and tried to grab me. Mor was watching us goof around, laughing all the while. However after a few minutes, her laughter died quickly, and  eyes widened at something behind us. _

_ I turned, and there stood my mother. My heart sunk. We were in trouble.  _

_ She didn’t say a word. She just stood there, her dress billowing in the wind, wings folded tight against her back.  _

_ I waded toward the bank, and the others followed. There was something about my mother that demanded such a respect that words weren’t always needed. We knew that we had snuck out of Court. We knew that we had broken the rules and hadn’t told anyone where we were going. And we knew that if she had to say the words “Children, come out of that river right now,” there would be consequences.  _

_ When the three of us were on dry land, she waved a hand and we were instantly dried by her magic. Then, she turned and walked. We followed her, not sure where she was going or why we were walking in the direction opposite of the palace. Friendly passersby waved at her, and she smiled at them, waving back. _

_ “Mama, where are we going?” Calliope queried, her small feet picking up the pace to walk alongside our mother. _

_ “The three of you have been gone since lunch, Cal. I thought you all might be hungry,” she responded, and my sister nodded, smiling. I walked behind them with Mor, who seemed a little confused. _

_ “Does this mean we’re not getting in trouble, Aunt Laurel?” My cousin asked, and my mom glanced over her shoulder. I shot her a sideways glance. Cauldron—why would she remind my mother that we deserve to be punished?  _

_ “I won’t say anything if you won’t, Morrigan. However, this can’t happen again. I was searching for the three of you all afternoon. If your father had found out that the three of you had snuck away without telling anyone, you all would have been in big trouble,” she replied, walking us towards her favorite cafe. The three of us nodded solemnly, and sat down with her at one of the patio tables outside. _

_ Bad things didn’t happen in Velaris, and we were always safe. But we were supposed to stay at Court if my father was on the throne. My parents had said something about it being important for me and Calliope to watch what was going on, but Court was dreadfully dull. I assumed Morrigan’s parents had told her the same thing, but even if they hadn’t, we were the only other children around. If we were stuck in Court all day, she didn’t have anyone to play with either.  _

_ We ordered food, and waited together. The girls started talking about the adventure we had that day, starting with escaping Court and ending up at the river. As they talked I nibbled at a piece of bread from the basket on the table.  _

_ “Did you have fun today, Rhys? You haven’t said a word in ages,” my mother prompted and I shrugged. She always noticed me. Calliope was loud and vibrant. I mostly kept to the shadows, but still she remembered me.  _

_ “I had fun getting mud in Cal’s hair,” I said, grinning. From across the table, my twin stuck her tongue out at me. My mother laughed.  _

_ “Manners, Calliope. No rude gestures at the dinner table,” she chided, but couldn’t quite wipe the smile off of her face.  _

_ The waiter arrived with our food soon enough, and we all dug in immediately.  _

_ “You're neglecting your vegetables, Mor,” my mother stated, eyeing my cousin over a forkful of potatoes.  _

_ Mor’s lip curled up in distaste as she eyed the vegetables on her plate that she'd been ignoring.  _

_ “They’re gross,” Mor replied, taking her fork and pushing the vegetables to the side of her plate.  _

_ “Give them to Rhys, then. He’ll need them if he's going to be a strong High Lord someday,” my mother replied, her face serious. My jaw dropped.  _

_ “What? No way, make Calliope eat them, I'm not eating any more than I have to!” I exclaimed, and she laughed.  _

_ “Well, Calliope?” My mother offered and Calliope looked like she might just fly away.  _

_ “Seriously? Do I have to?”She frowned and Mama shook her head.  _

_ “I suppose not, I guess you three should just eat what you're hungry for,” she chuckled, teasing us.  _

_ We all talked for awhile, my mother listening intently to our stories and complaints about how much we hated being stuck in Court. We ate until our bellies were full and Calliope still begged for dessert.  _

_ My mother contemplated ordering it, while my twin sweet talked her way towards a slice of cake.  _

_ A hush fell over the entire cafe as a figure made his way towards us. I looked up, catching it out of the corner of my eye. No one at our table seemed to notice except for me and my mother.  _

_ “Ah, Stellan. You're just in time for dessert,” my mother said, looking up from the menu at my father.  _

_ Mor and Calliope immediately looked up at the High Lord and shut their mouths. None of us children dared to utter a word. We knew better than to speak to the High Lord unless spoken to. He must have come directly from the Hewn City, because he was still wearing a crown upon his brow and darkness rolled off of him in waves.  _

_ Father walked up behind where his mate was seated and placed a kiss on her cheek.  _

_ “Dessert sounds marvelous after the day I've had, Laurel. Hello, children,” my father greeted us, sitting down.  _

_ “Hello, Father,” Cal and I said, accidentally speaking at the same time. _

_ "And it's good to see you, too, Morrigan. Are you spending the night with Calliope tonight?” My father asked and Mor nodded.  _

_ “Yes, my Lord. If I have permission,” she replied.  _

_ “Of course. I thought you might. I believe Keir told me to remind you that you've got to be up bright and early in the morning for your tutoring lessons,” he stated.  _

_ “Yes, my Lord,” Mor said with a sigh, disappointed that she can’t stay up all night.  _

_ My father merely glanced at the waiter and he immediately rushed over, eager to please. He bowed low, and my father ordered enough cake for the table.  _

_ Calliope and Mor got back to chatting, as we waited. My father spoke in a low voice to only my mother, and a easy smile crept across her face as he talked. The darkness that followed him lazily drifted onto her. I wondered if he were conscious of it, or if the mating bond was so strong that even the depths of his power longed to be near her. _

_ Bored out of my mind with noone to talk to, I found myself drifting in and out of the minds of those around me. It was unintentional. I was exhausted from the events of the day and my mind was wandering. I had never told anyone that I could do it, sometimes it just happened. _

_ Calliope was so focused on the prospects of dessert coming, she was completely zoned out to whatever Mor was talking about. Mor was explaining to my twin how to get to a secret cave that she’d discovered in the depths of the Hewn City. She left out the fact that it was dark and scary and that she’d only return if she had a friend with her. Apparently a mouse had skittered across her foot and it sent her running home. She also had a running theory that the place was haunted. _

_ After a few moments of drifting from mind to mind, I hit a rock solid barrier. It felt like I had run headlong into a boulder. My father immediately stopped speaking to my mother and glanced around. I must have looked guilty. His piercing gaze fell upon me, and I wanted to hide beneath the table. _

_ “Rhysand?” He asked, a frown forming upon his face. _

_ “Yes, Father?”  _

_ “Did you just try to read my mind?” He asked and now it was my turn to frown.  _

_ Cauldron boil me.  _

_ “No, sir.”  _

_ “I don't appreciate being lied to, Rhysand. We need to talk. Laurel, take the girls home. I’ll have the cake sent to you,” my father said, dismissing my mother.   _

_  My heart sunk.  _

_ Mor and Calliope stood up, looking bewildered. My mother didn’t move. _

_ “No, Stellan,” she spoke, meeting his eyes with a glare. _

_ “Laurel...” he replied, his voice a warning.  _

_ “I'm not leaving without my son. We can discuss this at home. This isn’t the time or the place,” she replied. _

_         Calliope ushered my cousin out of the restaurant, she knew what it was like when our father was angry and didn't want Mor caught in the crossfire. He wasn’t cruel, but his temper wasn’t mild either.  _

_ I was in so much trouble. My parents never argued. But I hadn't been lying. He asked me if I  _ **_tried_ ** _ to read his mind and I hadn't been trying at all.  _

_ “It was an accident, Father,” I said, finally finding my voice.  _

_ He ignored me, his eyes still locked with his mate. She didn't budge. The darkness that had been around her swarmed back to his side.  _

_  She finally stood up.  _

_ “Let’s go home. Come along Rhys,” she said with confidence and I stood up to follow her. My father remained at the table, watching us walk out of the cafe without a word.  _

_ Utter relief flooded me as we left, just my mother and I. By the time we exited the cafe, Calliope and Mor had already gone home.  _

_ “It really was an accident,” I murmured, feeling ashamed of myself for some reason. _

_ “I know, darling. It’s okay,” she stopped walking and knelt down to hug me. She placed a kiss on my forehead. She looked me in the eye, still kneeling on the ground in front of me. _

_ “Do you know what happened?” She asked and I shrugged. _

_ “You revealed that you’re a daemati. It means that you have power over the minds of those around you. Now, someday you’ll learn to hone those skills. But you must only use them to protect our court, Rhys,” she stated. _

_ I nodded.  _

_ “I didn’t mean to make Father angry, I really didn’t mean to do it,” I mumbled, looking down at my shoes. _

_ “He’s intimidated by your power, Rhys. Even at your age, you’re almost as powerful as he is, right now it’s just untrained. He knows that, and it scares him,” she replied, and I frowned. She hugged me again, and I wrapped my arms around her, avoiding her wings. _

_ “I love you,” I murmured, burying my face in her shoulder.  _

_ “I love you too, Rhys. Let’s go home,” she said and scooped me up. She spread her wings, and we flew to the palace. _


	3. Chapter 3

_I love getting to know more about you, Rhys._ I murmured through the bond.

       _As I love you, Feyre,_ was his reply as the memory faded into another.

       

_“Rhys, breakfaaaaast!” My sister yelled through my bedroom door, knocking on it loudly._

_I groaned, rolling over onto my side. She'd been an early riser since we were children._

_My wings were stiff after the flight home last night and it'd been the first time I'd slept in a real bed in longer than I could remember. I hadn't been home in almost a year, fighting and training taking up all of my time._

_“Rhys!” She called again, for fear I'd fallen back to sleep._

_“I'll be down in a moment,” I called, rolling out of bed and finally standing up. I pulled on pants and a tunic, before heading to the dining room._

_The table was covered with all kinds of fruit and pastries, and my mouth watered at the sight of something besides camp food. My father sat at the head of the table, holding the hand of my mother as she sipped a cup of tea._

_When I entered, her eyes lit up at the sight of me. I made my way over to her and hugged her tightly before sitting down between her and Calliope._

_My twin had stayed up until late the night before, waiting on me to fly in. She looked exhausted but overall happy to see me._

_“Good morning, Rhysand,” my father greeted, and I bowed my head._

_“Good morning, Father,” I replied._

_“We’re expecting company to join us, so we’ll be waiting to dine until they arrive,” my mother said with a frown, as though she were dreading our guests._

_“Meaning that you should probably put on something a little more presentable, Cal,” I muttered._

_My sister was still in her nightgown, wrapped in a blue silk robe, dark hair thrown up into a wild bun.  She lightly punched my shoulder but winnowed out of the room in a blink, returning several minutes later in a long orange skirt and a midriff baring top, hair in a high ponytail._

_“Who exactly are we expecting?” I asked._

_“Emissaries from the Spring Court,” my father answered._

_We rarely entertained guests in our court, but it happened every once in awhile. Few guests dared venture here, due to the nature of our court...well, the nature we let the rest of the world see._

_“What do they want?” Calliope asked, pouring herself a glass of apple juice._

_“Information?” I guessed and my father nodded._

_“Indeed. Now that the War is over, the Spring Court is licking their wounds and want to see how we're doing,” my father answered. Darkness seemed to drip into his words._

_I'd spent so long in Illyrian camps that I'd nearly forgotten the masks that we wore before our guests. It was all a facade of course, but the Spring emissaries would never know that._

_I released the tight hold I kept on my power, allowing the night to pour from my veins.  It felt nice, like releasing a held breath. I glanced over at Calliope who had also relaxed her own hold on the night. It flitted about, like a butterfly circling around her. She held an orb of darkness in her hand, nervously fidgeting with it, like putty._

_The way she manipulated it was a talent that had taken me years to perfect, but it’d come to her naturally. A lot of things came to Calliope naturally. She was an exceptionally gifted healer, but had very little talent when it came to fighting.  She made friends easily too, she knew every artist in the Rainbow, every vendor on the street, and every shop owner in Velaris._

_“My Lord, the emissaries are here,” a servant said, entering the room._

_The High Lord nodded. The servant returned with two high fae males._

_“Prince Tamlin of the Spring Court and Prince Lucien of the Autumn Court, my Lord,” the servant announced, before quickly walking out of the room._

_“Autumn?” My father quarried, and the red headed male stepped forward, bowing with smooth grace._

_“I spend my days between courts. I find getting to know everyone has its advantages,” he said._

_My father looked rather unimpressed, but waved a hand, inviting the two of them to sit down with us. The blonde male— Tamlin, sat down at the other end of the table, with Lucien on his right._

_“Should I be insulted that Adris would send me his youngest heir and an Autumn court exile?” My father asked, and Tamlin bristled._

_“Lord Stellan, I can assure you—” Tamlin began._

_“I don’t want your assurance, princeling. I’m more curious as to why your father has no regard for your life,” my father said, interrupting Tamlin’s attempt at diplomacy._

_I smirked. This was probably the first time the prince had been sent out like this. Someone had failed to tell him that this was classic High Lord posturing._

_“What my friend is trying to say, High Lord, is that his father chose the two of us because he knew we would be the best for the job. As I’m sure you know, the duties of your position are extremely taxing, so Adris himself couldn’t come. And Tamlin’s brothers aren’t exactly...house trained,” Lucien said, his voice like honey._

_“Very well, then. I suppose introductions are in order. This is my mate, Laurel, my son, Rhysand, and my daughter, Calliope. Help yourselves to food, and after the meal my children can give you a proper tour of the Hewn City. We can meet again at dinner tonight to discuss diplomacy,” the High Lord said._

_He gave me a meaningful glance before beginning to fill his plate with food. Ah, there it was—permission._

_I tried Tamlin first, brushing against his mind with such subtlety that he didn’t even flinch. He had no idea that I was trying to read him, but his guard was up. I could try to find holes in the construction of his shields, but that would require more time than I had._

_Lucien, though, was an open book. I slipped into his mind with ease as he buttered a croissant, and there was no fight._

_Cauldron, his mind was a mess of agony. Apparently, the lesser fae woman he’d loved had been brutally murdered before his eyes. The images were always there, waiting to be called up at any moment should he accidentally touch happiness. I pitied him, but moved on, hunting for secrets. There was nothing. My father had been right, they were here to see what was going on, and that was all of it._

_I met the High Lord’s eyes and shook my head. He nodded, understanding that I’d gleaned nothing of importance._

_“So, Tamlin, what’s the Spring Court like?” Calliope asked, in an attempt to break the silence that we’d fallen into._

_“It’s pleasant, the weather is rather mild. You should visit, someday, princess. The flowers are always in bloom, you know,” he said, shooting her a blinding smile._

_“Oh, really?” She asked, a smile creeping onto her face, those violet eyes lighting up at the attention._

_He winked and nodded. A solitary red rose appeared beside her plate. My twin grinned at this, and picked up the flower, sniffing it._

_“Well?” The prince asked and Cal looked back up at him._

_“It's lovely, I've never smelled anything like it,” she said and it was his turn to light up._

_“My mother has an entire garden of them, you would love—” Tamlin started._

_My father coughed loudly, and Calliope dropped the rose back onto the table. She went back to her food with a frown._

_We finished the meal in an awkward silence. I stood up when I saw that Lucien, Tamlin, Calliope and I had finished eating._

_“If our guests would like to follow me, we’ll be off. Have a lovely day, mother...father,” I said and beckoned for Lucien, Calliope, and Tamlin to follow me._

_They stood reluctantly, and followed. We left the room and I led them down toward the Hewn City._

_“My father is a bit protective of my sister, apologies,” I muttered to Tamlin as he walked beside me. Lucien lagged behind, quietly chatting with Calliope. I had a feeling that Lucien could carry a conversation with a brick wall. The two of them would be getting along fine._

_“Oh it's quite alright,” Tamlin said with a shrug, “Where are we going, Rhysand?” he asked._

_“I prefer, ‘Rhys’. And we’ll be going to the Hewn City. It’s the heartbeat of our court,” I said, lying smoothly. Velaris was everything. I wished sometimes that I could show off the city to the world._

_“Sorry, Rhys. And...I've heard things...about your court,” Tamlin began and I smirked._

_I let the darkness wrap around me like a cape as we drew closer to the Court of Nightmares._

_“They're probably true,” I replied, letting a feral smile cross my face._

_Tamlin swallowed, but said nothing else. When we arrived, I strode into the court like it were already mine to rule. Calliope joined me, matching me stride for stride, leaving Tamlin and Lucien to follow behind us._

_We weren't announced, but the court dropped to its knees as we entered._

_“Here we are, gentlemen. The Hewn City,” I said. Turning to them, I monitored their expressions. Lucien had paled and Tamlin seemed to have difficulty hiding his distaste. His eyes were glued to the many unsavory beings around us._

_“Rise,” Calliope said, sounding like she'd rather be anywhere else. The fae stood up and resumed their activities. The dais was empty, so no Keir. And Mor was nowhere in sight. I’d have to find her later and give her a hard time for not being around._

_A lesser fae brute wandered up to my sister and twisted her ponytail around one of his claws._

_“Princessssss,” he hissed and a wicked expression crossed her face._

_“Come here, darling,” she whispered with a smirk._

_She was a brilliant actress. She beckoned the brute forward like she were going to tell him a secret. He leaned forward, ear bent toward her. When he was close enough, she took his scaled ear between her teeth and bit down, hard._

_The faerie yelped and retreated, back into the shadows he crawled out of. Calliope giggled like a schoolgirl, and grinned at Lucien, warm red blood dripping down her lips. He looked like he was trying not to gag at the sight of her._

_I tried not to laugh at his expression. Cal was far more committed to the role than me, but she spent more of her time here._

_“Calliope, if breakfast left you hungry, I’m sure there’s food left over,” I commented, like this kind of behavior was commonplace._

_She merely shrugged, licking the blood off of her lips._

_“She’s incorrigible,” I muttered dismissively, and motioned for the others to follow me._

_After we had spent a good hour showing Tamlin and Lucien around the worst half of our court, I was drained. Keeping up the facade was tedious. Being under the Night Court’s mountains eventually got claustrophobic and I desperately wanted to go outside and fly. I made a mental note to ask Calliope to fly with me once our guests had retired for the evening._

_“Let’s go get some fresh air, shall we?” I offered, and I thought Lucien might melt into a puddle of sheer relief._

_“Merciful Cauldron, that sounds great,” he murmured to Tamlin, thinking I didn’t hear. My sister shot me a glance, her eyes lighting up with silent laughter._

_“The mountains,” I told her, and she nodded._

_She took the prince of the Spring Court by the hand, and I grabbed Lucien’s shoulder. We winnowed to a clearing at the base of one of the mountains nearby._

_I felt like I could actually breathe again. The cool mountain air was a welcome change. I was back in my element. I needed to work out the energy, though. I felt like I’d been in a cage for the past hour._

_“Can you fight, Tamlin?” I asked, and he nodded._

_“I’ve got two older brothers,” he said by way of answer._

_Calliope had sat down on a large boulder, and Lucien had joined her._

_“Combat trained?” I asked, and he shook his head. Maybe I could teach him some things then, he was younger than me._

_“Let’s fight,” I offered, backing up towards the middle of the clearing._

_“We were told not to bring weapons here, Rhys,” he replied._

_“Hand to hand, then,” I offered, and he nodded, stepping towards me._

_We fought for several minutes, and I almost felt bad for knocking Tamlin on his ass in front of an audience._

_I offered him a hand, and helped him to his feet._

_“Don’t go easy on me, now,” he laughed, throwing his fists back up in a defensive position._

_“Not in your dreams,” I smirked, and we continued. I gave him some tips on blocking and by the time we’d finished, he’d improved quite a bit._

_I wiped the sweat from my brow and Tamlin dusted off his tunic, before clapping a hand on my shoulder._

_“You’ve gotta teach me more, that was the most fun I’ve had in ages,” he grinned._

_“Same here, we should meet up and do this again sometime,” I said, and waved to Calliope that we were finished._

_Tamlin had been a fun student. He was willing to take criticism and instruction without offense, unlike most of the Illyrian warriors I’d met. We were a prideful people, after all. Tamlin had a natural talent for fighting and a sharp mind, which made it easy to teach him. He was also willing to joke around. Perhaps the Hewn City had sufficiently frightened Tamlin and Lucien without reflecting on me personally. They knew what it was like to be a High Lord’s son. I didn’t have many close friends, but I could see the potential in Tamlin, and Lucien too._

_Somehow my twin had talked the redhead into letting her braid his hair. They both stood up, walking towards us, as Lucien undid my sister’s masterful work._

_“You got your ass kicked, and you still want to come back for more?” Lucien asked, smirking as he joined us._

_“Rhys is a damn good sparring partner, and I can’t exactly depend on my brothers to teach me,” Tamlin countered, with a shrug._

_Lucien looked slightly offended._

_“And_ _I’m not a ‘damn good sparring partner’? Honestly, I’m hurt,” Lucien said, his eyes winking with a mischief that told me he wasn’t completely serious._

_“The last time we sparred was nearly resulted in impalement, Lucien, if you recall,” Tamlin replied._

_Calliope laughed, but I had the feeling that he was entirely serious._

_“On that note,” I said with a smirk, “I think my father will be expecting us back soon. Let’s go,” I said, before winnowing us back to the palace._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TW: Graphic depictions of death, gore, and violence**

After that memory with Tamlin, I found Rhysand’s mind shifting towards something darker. He was still there, still present with me. A distant part of me could still feel his hand clutching my own. I felt the urge to retreat, but I would not shy away from this. Whatever he was about to show me, I wanted to see. He deserved that. He deserved to be seen and understood.

_I strode into camp with the unit I'd been training. It'd been a grueling day, but a successful one. I was pleased with my men, they had worked hard and we'd made a lot more progress than I had expected._

_I was disappointed that I hadn’t been able to meet up with my mother and sister, but I had gotten so caught up in training that I had completely forgotten. They would understand. I would pen an apology letter as soon as I got back to my tent._

_I was headed there when I was stopped by a novice warrior. He looked barely fifteen, but held himself like a seasoned veteran as he came to me and told me I was needed in the commander’s tent._

_I wondered if I was in some sort of trouble. I couldn't think of anything I had done wrong. The warriors I had been training were progressively improving every day. I frowned, following him._

_I entered the tent. On the table, there sat two boxes, dripping with water. The commander stood to meet me, his face grim._

_“You may want to sit down,” he offered, but I remained standing._

_Dread blanketed me as I stared at the boxes on the table._

_“A scout on the edge of camp found them in the river. They were sent here on purpose, as a message. The boxes were sealed with the Spring Court’s insignia,” the commander said, his eyes also glued to the boxes._

_“What was inside?” I asked, approaching the table._

_The commander shook his head, at a loss for words as I opened one of the boxes to see for myself._

_Wet, raven hair greeted me as I looked down into the box. I could not see the face, but I knew. I knew. Still, I had to see for myself. I had to make sure. Carefully, I lifted the dripping head out of the box and looked at the face. Her eyes were still open and her face was contorted in fear._

_My twin. Calliope. Dead. Decapitated._

_Bile rose in my throat. I fell to my knees, vomiting on the ground and sobbing, still clutching her. What was left of her. When I could vomit no more, I attempted to gather myself. I stood, shaking with rage and sorrow and guilt._

_I forced her eyes closed, her skin already stiff and waterlogged. Then, I placed her head back in the box and forced myself to look at the one that held my mother’s._

_This was my fault._

_My fault. My fault. My fault._

_I should have been there with them. I could have protected them. I could have slain the monsters that murdered them. Tamlin had betrayed me. He was the only one that had known._

_He had been in our home. He had flirted with my sister. He had invited her to visit. We had been friends, training together every few weeks for the fun of it._

_I closed my mother’s eyes and replaced her head in the box._

_“Does my father know?” I asked, finally finding my voice._

_I could feel the Night pouring out of me. The talons extending through my hands. My magic was burning beneath my skin, if I had a siphon it would’ve shattered by now._

_“We have not yet sent word to the High Lord,” he said._

_I winnowed to the palace in a single jump._

_When I entered, the place was covered in darkness. The darkness that mourns._

_He knew._

_Of course he knew— his mate was dead._

_I could not see my hand in front of my face as I made my way down the halls. I reached out with my magic, trying to get a grasp of which direction I should go. I found him in the Court of Nightmares._

_For once, the throne room was empty except for my father._

_The darkness lingered. I waved a hand, sweeping it out of my path. He may be High Lord, but the Night bowed to me, too._

_The shadows lingered, creeping along the ground beside me._

_“My mate is dead...my mate is dead...my mate is dead...,” they whispered, and I could feel the nausea creeping back up on me._

_I approached the throne, and my father never looked up at me. He held his head in his hands, the darkness seeping from his pores._

_“Were you there?” He finally asked, his voice echoing throughout the chamber._

_“No, but I should have been,” I replied, kneeling in front of the throne. I deserved whatever punishment he meted out for this. I was personally responsible for their deaths. They should have never been alone and vulnerable._

_“What?” The room shook when he spoke._

_“They had been coming to meet me. I wasn’t there and...they must have been ambushed. Tamlin knew. He knew where we were supposed to meet. He betrayed me,” I said, my own fury mingling with the shadows on the floor and the Night in the air. My talons scratched against the ground as I held my position._

_He stood, and I looked up at him._

_His eyes were completely black._

_“We must avenge them,” he said, and I nodded._

_“Get up, boy. There’s no time to waste,” he beckoned for me to follow him._

_I stood up and followed behind him._

_First, we needed to find their bodies. I led my father to the place where I had planned to meet my sister and mother. From there, they hadn't made it very far and it was easy to scent them. Despite the gruesome sight I had witnessed at camp, I still wasn't prepared for what was in the clearing ahead._

_Blood covered every inch of ground surrounding the area where they'd been murdered. Their corpses had been left prone on the ground, like dead animals. It was a wonder nothing had come to feast on them since their deaths._

_Cautiously, I approached them. I was afraid to look too closely. My father, however was on his knees beside my mother’s body._

_“Her wings,” he murmured, his eyes glued to my mother's back._

_They were gone. The sadistic bastards had taken them as trophies. My stomach twisted at the mere thought of being separated from my wings. Cauldron have mercy, I prayed that they had been dead before their wings had been stolen._

_I glanced down at Calliope, and her’s had been taken too. Her arms were still outstretched toward my mother’s body, reaching— not trying to crawl away. I wondered if even in her last moments she had been trying to reach those healing hands out to help our mother._

_My eyes burned and I blinked tears away. It occurred to me that I would never see them again. I would never fly with them again. Their goodness had been torn from this world like the wings from their backs. Father snapped his fingers and they disappeared._

_I glanced up with a start._

_“They’re shielded until we can take them home,” he said, answering my unspoken question._

_I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. We winnowed to the edge of the Spring Court. We walked toward the manor in silence for what felt like ages. Eventually, it was me who broke the silence._

_“Are we killing—everyone?” I asked, and he knew what I was implying. There were females, including the High Lord’s wife in that manor._

_“Of course not, we spare the females. We aren’t monsters,” he said, continuing through the woods without bothering to look at me._

_“Swear it,” I said._

_He never paused._

_“You have my word, Rhysand,” he said, and I believed him._

_We continued forward through the forest surrounding the Spring Court, until the lights of the manor were visible just ahead of us. I could feel the talons returning to my hands as I saw their home, full in a way mine never would be again. The Night beneath my skin roared to be released, echoing the fury I felt._

_My father and I walked through every ward that surrounded the place. Tamlin’s brothers were there to meet us within moments. I cast my power out like a net, capturing their minds in my grasp._

_Tamlin’s brothers no longer had the capacity to move. They stood helpless, their faces mimicking the terrified  final expression on Calliope’s face. It was deliciously satisfying to hold them there and let them wonder what torment I would rain down upon them._

_I spared no time in ripping them apart, piece by piece. By the time I finished with them, I was covered in their blood. Their consciences still lingered, somehow holding onto whatever spark of life was left in them, but I snuffed that out too. Their minds were nothing by the time I finished._

_My father had gone ahead of me into the manor. I caught up with him as he was leaving the High Lord’s bedroom. I cast out my mind and found no one alive in their room. He had told me that he wouldn’t hurt Tamlin’s mother. He had given me his word. I had been foolish enough to let myself fall prey to betrayal yet again._

_I ran ahead of him as he began heading for Tamlin’s bedroom. That was enough. My thirst for vengeance had been sated, and I had started thinking clearly again. I glanced down at my hands, shaking and covered with blood. They were hands again, no longer the talons of the creature that hid beneath my skin. I was tired. I  just wanted to take my mother and sister back home._

_My heart pounded with adrenaline, and it felt like it might beat out of my chest._

_“Father, stop!” I shouted, running ahead of him._

_He continued forward as though I wasn’t even there, forcing me to back towards the door._

_“Stop! Please, stop! It’s enough! They’ve been avenged,_ **_it’s enough_** _!” I cried, stopping before Tamlin’s door, holding up my hands. I called my magic to my palms, fully prepared to force him back._

_“Get out of my way, Rhysand,” my Father finally stopped his walking and met my eyes. He raised a hand to shove me aside, when Tamlin’s door opened. There was a roar. Before I could react, I was knocked out of the way and Tamlin was on my father._

_In one strike, he had shoved his claws through my Father’s throat. He was dead almost instantly. Tamlin retracted his claws and the corpse slid to the ground with a thud._

_An immediate, overwhelming,  flood of magic surged to me, and I was nearly forced to my knees with the weight of it. It took all I could to remain standing. There was another roar._

_Was that me?_

_Tamlin grasped at the frame of the door, apparently experiencing the same thing. He was shaking violently, and I felt so disconnected from my body that I had no idea if I was shaking too._

_Power. I had so much power. It was intoxicating and terrifying and incredible. I could do anything. Everything felt like it was suddenly within my grasp. There was nothing beyond my reach anymore._

_The magic faded but the power remained. I looked to Tamlin when the realization crossed his face. He was the High Lord of the Spring Court._

_I waved a hand, and misted my father’s corpse. Then, I turned and ran away. Perhaps I was a coward for that, I no longer cared. I made it back to my sister and mother within moments, the shield had disappeared when my father was no longer alive to maintain it. I knelt beside both of them, taking their cold hands and winnowing us back to our Court._

_I brought them to an embalmer, so they could be pieced back together and prepared for burial in the morning. They deserved a funeral where their friends could mourn for them. They were beloved members of our court. My mother and twin would not be getting a funeral pyre like a soldier killed in battle. My first true act as High Lord would be to give them a proper resting place._

_It was late at night, but still I found myself wandering the palace. Sleep was far from my mind, and I found myself knocking on a door. I knocked and knocked, and there was no answer. Exhausted, I leaned against it and slid down to the floor. Finally, I let myself feel._

_The anger was gone now, and grief had replaced it. I buried my head in my hands, like my father had hours before. I felt the urge to sob rising in my chest, but somehow the tears refused to come. Night crept up my spine and I welcomed it. It was more a part of me now, the only comforting presence in the empty hallway where I sat._

_“Rhys?” The door behind me eased open, and Mor stepped out._

_She must have heard me knocking, after all. Maybe I just hadn’t given her enough time to answer. I couldn’t bring myself to look up at her. She sat down on the floor beside me, and I could feel her piercing gaze staring through me._

_“Is that blood on you? Rhys...you’re— different,” she stated, her voice a whisper._

_Several long moments passed and I finally found the strength to meet her eyes._

_“There’s no one left,” I said and somehow she knew what I meant._

_“You’re the High Lord, now.”_

_I nodded._

_“Laurel and Calliope—” she started, and I nodded._

_“Dead. They’re dead, Mor. And I don’t know what to do, this wasn’t supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to happen. They...they were supposed to live forever. I could have protected them if only I’d been there. They were coming to see me. I should be dead, not them, not them,” I said, panic rising in my voice._

_I was High Lord now. My sister and mother and father who were never supposed to see death, were dead. And now I had an entire court to rule. I had been raised as the High Lord’s heir and yet I still felt completely unprepared. Thousands upon thousands of lives now depended on me for prosperity and safety, when I wasn’t even capable of protecting my own family._

_“Rhys.”_

_Again, I was shaking and my head was in my hands and despair was overwhelming me._

_“Rhys, look at me,” she stated and pried my hands away, forcing me to face her._

_“I’m going to help you. Do you understand? You don’t have to do this by yourself,” she said._

_And for the first time that night, I felt a glimpse of hope._


	5. Chapter 5

 I was out of Rhysand’s mind and memories before I had time to realize what was happening. Slightly disoriented, I wasn't sure if I had removed myself— or if my mate had decided to suddenly close the path between him, myself, and his memories. I snapped my eyes open and immediately looked to him.

 “Rhys?” I questioned, his eyes were still clenched shut. His hand was no longer in mine, and he was pinching the bridge of his nose in either frustration or pain.

 “Are you alright?” I leaned over to examine him more closely, concern sweeping over me.

 “Don't worry. I'm fine,” he replied, certainly not sounding fine at all.

 “What is it? Something's wrong, tell me what it is,” I frowned, trying to suppress the urge to shake the beautiful bastard until he gave me a straight answer.

 “That was gruesome...I— didn't mean for you to see that,” he said, finally opening his violet eyes to look at me.

“Maybe it was something that you needed to revisit,” I murmured with a sigh.

Surely by now he knew that I would always want every piece of him, even the most broken pieces.

He shook his head.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said, and I stared at him with incredulity.

“What are you talking about?”

He reached his hand forward and brushed his thumb across my cheek. It came away wet with tears. I must have been crying while he was showing me the last memory.

“I’m not upset. And I'm glad you showed me what you did. I’m not afraid to see all of you, you know that, ” I said, placing a kiss to his forehead.

He offered me a small smile.

“I suppose you do have centuries to catch up on,” he smirked and I shrugged.

“It isn’t my fault that you’re ancient. Will you show me more?” I asked, and he sighed overdramatically. His mood had lightened significantly, and I could feel it through the bond.

“Only if you ask nicely, Feyre darling,” he winked and I crawled over so that I was on top of him, leaning down against his neck.

“Pretty please, High Lord?” I whispered, letting my lips barely touch his ear. He chuckled, something between a growl and a laugh.

“Not _too_ nicely, High Lady, or you may tempt me with...something else,” he said, kissing my lips quickly and easing me off of him. Affection flooded down the bond, along with the promise that we would return to this temptation later.

I curled against him, and he tucked me against his chest, pulling me into another memory.

      _I opened my eyes, my vision foggy. At that place between being asleep and truly awake, I was suddenly overwhelmed with agony. I felt a growl rip through me as my thoughts began to clear a little in spite of the pain. Looking around, I recognized my bedroom in the Night Court’s palace._

_Slumped in a chair beside my bed was my twin sister, who must have been asleep until I woke her. She immediately stood up and ran a comforting hand through my hair. I was lying on my belly, wings spread behind me. My entire body hurt, but the wings went somewhere beyond comprehensible pain._

_“I know it hurts, brother,” Calliope whispered. She took a cool wet cloth and dabbed gently at the sweat on my brow. I sighed at the touch of it, a small relief from the constant suffering._

_I wanted to tell her something but every thought that formed in my head seemed to fade quickly, the pain consuming everything._

_“Why—here—?” I managed, and she seemed to understand._

_“There’s no way you could recover in time to return to the battlefield. Thus, there's no reason for you to go back to camp. You need to heal if you want to fly again. I also begged the High Lord to allow it. I wasn't going to let another healer besides myself look after you,” She replied, her brow furrowed._

_She was intensely focused on wringing out the cloth in a bowl of water, then rewetting it, to begin blotting at my sweat soaked skin once more. I was thankful she had interceded on my behalf. We had talented healers in the camps to be sure, but Calliope’s healing gifts were as powerful as my own magic. She was my only equal. Our father knew that and went to great lengths to keep us separated as we grew into our powers. He felt threatened by us and that fact had become more clear as we got older._

_“My wings— “ I started, and she spared me the effort of talking with another quick reply._

_“The camp healers did a fine job on them. And I’ve been tending to your other injuries and working to heal your wings since you arrived here, too. It'll take some time, but you're strong. I think the worst is over now.”_

_“How long—” I asked and again she responded before I could finish the thought._

_“You’ve been home for two days. This is the first time I’ve seen you conscious,” she said and I nodded a little._

_She brought a stack of pillows over to me, piling them under my chest so I was somewhat elevated. She took care to keep from jostling my wings. Then, she grabbed a glass of water from my bedside table and offered it to me._

_“Drink, I'm sure you could use it after all the screaming you've been doing in your sleep,” she said and I gladly took it._

_I gulped down the cool water quickly, not realizing just how parched I was until that moment._

_“Are you hungry? I can go fetch you something in no time,” she offered, and I shook my head._

_I wasn't sure I could hold down food with the amount of pain I was in._

_“I can get you something for the pain, Rhys,” she offered, as though she knew what I was thinking._

_I reached out my magic towards her mind, needing to really speak to her, trying to physically force words out was exhausting. I brushed a talon against the granite shields of her mind and she immediately lowered her guard for me._

**_“I want to be lucid for a while. How are Cassian and Azriel? And how goes the War?”_ ** _I spoke in her thoughts._

**_“Cassian is still on the front lines. And Az has been wracked with guilt for leaving those spikes in your wings. They've been sneaking in here behind the High Lord’s back to see you. Azriel hasn't been given any more assignments, but I have no idea how Cassian has been leaving camp. Mor would be here if she wasn't involved in the peace talks. The war is coming to a close in our favor, Treaty negotiation has begun.”_ ** _she replied._

**_“It wasn't his fault,”_ ** _I replied at hearing that Azriel felt responsible for my injuries. I also noted that Calliope had stopped referring to our father as such. I could sense from her mind that there was a carefully controlled anger hiding behind more granite walls that I hadn't touched._

**_“I know. But you know how he is. I think seeing you awake would probably help,” she replied._ **

**_“Are you two—”_ ** _I started and she immediately shoved me out of her mind. Her shields locking back into place before I could get another word out._

_“That's not your business. And I need to change your bandages before your brothers show up here. You've bled through them again,” she said aloud, quickly changing the subject away from her relationship with Azriel._

_She walked into my bathroom and returned with clean bandages and a bowl of some unknown substance that smelled medicated._

_“Lie still, it'll hurt more if you move,” she said, all business again. Her voice was perfectly calm and controlled, ever the princess, even in anger._

_“Cal, I'm sorry,” I said, my first full sentence since I'd woken up._

_She didn't answer, just carefully began working on one of the bandages on my left wing. Calliope pressed her forearm against it, holding it down. I gritted my teeth, resisting the Illyrian instinct to throw her off._

_She got the bandage off and removed her arm, I relaxed a little. The air hitting my wing felt almost nice. Then she dipped her hand in the bowl of ointment and rubbed it into the wound. In spite of her featherlight touches, it burned like I'd just stuck it in a fireplace._

_“SHIT—” I bit out, and she quickly fanned her hand over the area, trying to ease the burning._

_“I know. It'll be over in a moment. It hurts because I touched it, not because of the medicine. It’ll kick in soon, I swear it,” my sister said, replacing the bandage with practiced speed._

_She was right, the pain eased quickly. Then she went to work on the other wing._

_“It's fine, by the way. But you don't need to worry about me and Azriel,” she said, dismissively._

_“I’m not worried. He’d be good for you, if that’s what you want,” I replied, finding it easier to speak over the pain._

_“What ever happened to ‘don’t get between Azriel and Mor’?” Calliope said, dabbing the medicated salve on my right wing, now. It burned as badly as it had on my other wing, but knowing what to expect kept me from crying out this time._

_“Mor doesn’t—seem like— she’s—pursuing it. Do what—makes you—happy,” I replied, between clenched teeth._

_My sister gently placed the new bandage on my wing, and it was finally over. The medication she had used had finally begun to take effect, soothing the places where it’d been applied. She picked up the cold cloth again, dipping it in water and laying it along my spine, in the gap between my wings. I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment._

_“Maybe I will,” she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice._

_“Cal?” I asked._

_“Yes?” She replied, and I opened my eyes again._

_“Thank you,” I said, and she smiled._

_“You’re welcome. Rest now, Rhys. I’ll wake you when your Illyrian brothers show up here,” she said, and sat back down for the first time in the past hour._

_I tried to rest, but remained in that semi conscious state between wakefulness and sleep. I was rousted by the opening of the door and the sound of boots on tile. I opened my eyes and there was Cassian, followed by Azriel a few steps behind._

_“Hello princess,” he grinned and picked up Calliope in a massive bear hug._

_“Good to see you! Even though you do smell like a stable boy,” she remarked and he laughed, putting her feet back on the ground._

_He was covered in the scents of battle, still wearing his armor and leathers, with a sword on his belt._

_“I'm the one at Death’s door over here, and she's the one that gets the attention, go figure,” I said and Cassian walked over to me, inspecting my wings with a practiced eye._

_“Death’s door? Looks like you're gonna be fine to me. I've seen younglings with more wing damage than you...and I'm sure they cried about it a lot less, Commander” he joked, slapping me on the shoulder._

_It hurt to laugh, but I did. I was relieved to see him. Calliope grabbed Azriel’s hand and led him into the hallway to speak with him privately. From the moment he had entered the room, he had been a ghost in the corner._

_“If you need me to teach you how to fly when this is over, I’d be happy to,” Cassian smiled, and plopped down gracelessly in a chair across from me._

_“I think I’d be better off learning from those younglings you mentioned,” I smirked, throwing up a rude hand gesture that left him chuckling._

_“Seriously, though, Rhys. I’m glad you’re alright,” he said._

_“Thanks, brother. So, Calliope said you and Azriel have been sneaking in here behind my Father’s back,” I mentioned, and he nodded._

_“We were worried. And someone needed to be here to check on Cal and Lady Laurel.”_

_“I don’t think I have the words to thank you for that. How have they been? I haven’t seen my mother, and Cal has been the picture of professionalism since I woke up.”_

_“I’ve seen very little of your mother, but Azriel has been around here. From what I’ve heard, your parents are no longer speaking. Lady Laurel is furious that your father had Az leave those spikes in your wings. I don’t blame her, by the way. And with Calliope...she’s been nothing but strong and silent since you’ve been here, what you see is what you get with that one,” Cassian replied, and my sister returned with Azriel._

_I thanked Cassian for filling me in, and then asked for some time to talk to Azriel. The room cleared out, and I was finally able to speak to him alone. It was rare that he broke a silence, but he did._

_“Rhys, please forgive me.”_

_“There’s nothing to forgive, you did what you had to. I don’t blame you,” I said, and he nodded. He needed to hear that, I could tell. Azriel, Cassian, and I were inseparable, but we all needed to be reminded of that fact sometimes. Even the Shadowsinger needed brotherhood._

_“The High Lord—” Azriel started, and I held up a hand to stop him._

_“Az, you don’t have to explain it to me. If I would’ve had my wits about me when you all found me, I would’ve told you to comply with Father’s command anyway. It would’ve been treason not to.”_

_“I should’ve committed treason, then. I— I should’ve done something. It was dishonorable and cowardly to leave those spikes in, Rhys. I should have done more to help you.”_

_“Azriel, you did the right thing,” I said, a realization hitting me._

_If I should ever become High Lord, I would want my brothers by my side. I rarely thought about ruling, it was something distant and foreign to me. Perhaps one day my father would abdicate, but I doubted that day would ever come. It wasn’t something I ever truly planned for, despite being groomed for it since childhood. But I hoped that Azriel, Cassian, Mor, and Calliope would be there to advise me, if something did happen. If I were ever to rule, I wanted people unafraid to stand up to me. And they would._

_I was overwhelmed with gratitude to the Cauldron for its gifts to me. I had a sister that had been working night and day to heal me, a brother that cared about me enough to risk punishment to come check on me and my family, and another brother so loyal to me that he would rather commit treason than hurt me. And I had no doubt that Mor would be here if she could. They all played different roles, and I wondered if they knew how much I appreciated them. They were all a piece of me that I didn’t ever want to live without._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update! I was really struggling with writer's block on this one, hopefully the next chapter won't take as long! I hope you all enjoy!

_There was a quick series of knocks on my office door. I desperately hoped it was a servant bringing food, but doubted it. I had been trapped in my office for the ages without a break, and I was starving._

_“Come in,” I called, waving my hand to open the door for whoever was standing outside._

_Mor trudged into my office, carrying a stack of papers piled up to her nose._

_“What the hell are those?” I asked, sighing as she unceremoniously dropped them onto my desk._

_“You asked for trade reports,” she stated, running a hand through her disheveled blonde hair._

_“These are all trade reports? How far back do they go?” I asked and she stared at me, her face deadpan. She had a layer of dust on her clothes and I noticed a few cobwebs in her hair, as though she’d been in the basement of the palace for as long as I’d been in my office._

_“They’re monthly reports dating back through the past century or so. Oh! And I added this month’s report from the Hewn City right there on top for you,” she tapped a manicured finger on top of the stack and I groaned._

_“Oh wonderful. And here I was hoping you were some kind soul bringing me a bagel or something. What was I thinking? This is so much better,” I faked a smile, picking up the report she’d placed on top._

_Looking down at it, I could see Mor’s neat cursive covering the page. She had taken copious notes on the imports and exports from various courts over the last thirty days. The thorough information would probably be extremely beneficial later, but at the moment it just made the report look overwhelming._

_It had been difficult learning how to balance my duties as the new High Lord between the necessary tedium and the actually working towards the changes I longed for in this court._

_Mor asked something that required a response, her patient silence drawing my attention away from the papers in my hand._

_“Pardon?”_

_I hadn’t heard a word she’d said._

_“When was the last time you got out of your office?” She repeated, and I shrugged._

_“I don’t remember,” I said._

_Mor sighed and tugged the file from my hand, dropping it back on the stack of papers on my desk._ _  
_ _“You need to get out of here. Cauldron knows how long you’ve been cooped up in this palace, and it’s not healthy. Let’s go to Velaris, you need to be out among your people. It’s been too long since the public has seen you, and everyone needs to know that that this court isn’t running itself,” she said._

_She had a point. I had rarely been out of the palace, and I had never meant to spend so much time here. In fact, this palace above the Hewn City was the last place in the Night Court that I wanted to be the seat of my power. Velaris had always been my true home. I missed it, but I had found it necessary to stay in the palace to pour over everything my father had left behind._

_“Let’s go then, before I change my mind,” I said, reluctantly standing up for the first time in hours._

_I walked with her towards the court’s main entryway, where my cousin and I were greeted by an utter mess._

_A horde of guards were holding a female faerie at swordpoint. Cerridwen and Nuala were huddled in a corner, barely visible. And there was a sort of magical power in the room that caused the hair to rise on the back of my neck as I approached the scene._

_“Rhys,” Mor muttered, but I stuck a hand out._

_She halted at my silent command, watching me approach the circle of palace guards. There was something dangerous happening, but I couldn’t place my finger on what exactly it was._

_“What is going on here?” I asked, and the senior guard answered._

_“She infiltrated the palace.”_

_“How?”_

_“We don’t know, but she’s been demanding an audience with you, my Lord,” he replied._

_“Who are you?” I asked, finally meeting the eyes of the faerie in the middle of the circle. She was tiny, with short black hair and piercing silver eyes. Despite her diminutive stature, I had a feeling that she had allowed my guards to capture her._

_“I am called Amren,” she answered, a wicked grin making its way onto her face._

_Amren. I had heard that name before. There were plenty of terrifying legends about her. Calliope had told me a story about her when we were children, and I couldn’t sleep in the dark for weeks afterwards. I hoped this wasn’t the same Amren. Of course she would be, though. That was certainly my luck._

_“Why are they holding their swords to you?”_

_“Because they are afraid, High Lord.”_

_“And should they be?” I asked, dread creeping up my spine as she looked me over._

_She was definitely the faerie of legend. All doubt had left my mind when I felt her gaze upon me._

_“I don’t wish to harm them, so no,” she said with a shrug._

_The guards stood their ground. I watched her for a long moment, then motioned for them to stand down. My gut told me that if she wanted to cause trouble, no guards would be able to stop her._

_I turned to my cousin, who was standing some feet away, staring._

_“I think my guest has waited long enough for an audience, Mor,” I said, and she shook her head._

_“I’m not leaving you alone with— whatever_ **_that_ ** _is,” she snarled._

_“Leave us. Thank you for the trade reports. I’ll meet you later,” I said, decisively ending the conversation.  She left reluctantly, shooting one last glance at Amren before walking away._

_Great, now I was alone with her. Cauldron, boil me._

_I briefly contemplated slipping on the mask of High Lord, but dismissed the idea outright. Amren would see through it in a blink._

_The faerie approached me, her movements lithe and silent, like she walked on air. She stopped in front of me, and I looked down at her. Something about her eyes was unsettling. It was like meeting the gaze of a caged animal, just waiting to devour the fool that got too close._

_“Care for a walk?” I asked, and she nodded._

_I offered her my arm and she took it, wrapping her smaller one around it. We walked in silence for several long moments. I led her up several flights of stairs that exited onto a balcony. It offered a nice view of the mountains around us, and I often used it as a place to escape for a breath of fresh air._

_“Why is it you wanted an audience with me, Amren?” I said, breaking the silence._

_She wandered towards the balcony railing, leaning against it and looking towards the setting sun._

_“You need my help, High Lord. And I wish to give it,” she replied, her back facing me._

_“That’s a bit presumptuous, don’t you think?”_

_“Perhaps. Or perhaps it’s more presumptuous to assume you don’t need it,” she answered._

_“What do you think you can help me with?” I asked, walking to her side._

_“Many things. I have been waiting for an opportunity like this for centuries now.”_

_“An opportunity? What? You mean the death of my family?”_

_“No. A shift in power. What happened to your family was unfortunate, but it’s rare that these things end cleanly,” she answered, as though this made perfect sense and I was just too dull to see it._

_“Spring had a shift in power too. What is it you want with my court?”_

_“Ah. Now you’re asking better questions. I don’t just offer my help indiscriminately. The High Lord of Spring is a traitor, is he not?” she said, and I nodded._

_A knowing smile crept upon her face._

_“Once a traitor, always a traitor. Trust is not to be given freely. And Tamlin is unworthy of my time. You, however...I have been watching you. Unlike your wretched father, you seem to be working towards more than simply maintaining the status quo. There are changes you want to make here, yes? For Prythian?” She asked._

_“Of course.”_

_“Then our goals align. I’ve grown tired of living through repeated history. High Lords come and go, thinking they’re leaving behind a legacy...when really, it’s just a retelling of the same story. Let me help you. I have more knowledge of these lands than you and your friends have combined. If you want to make changes, you need to know how exactly to do it. I know what has succeeded and failed in the past. And I want to advise you,” Amren said, her eyes meeting my own._

_“At what cost?”_

_“I want a place to live in your court and enough money to live on,” she said and I sighed, thinking it over._

_Despite feeling completely uneasy about the situation, I could acknowledge that she made a good point. She was ancient. Someone with life experience such as her’s and an expansive knowledge of Prythian could be an invaluable asset within the Night Court. And she wasn’t asking for anything unreasonable, just a home and a living wage._

_“That’s all you want?” I asked, eyeing her with suspicion._

_She nodded, and I offered her my hand._

_“A deal, then?” I asked and she grinned._

_“A deal, High Lord of Night,” she said, taking my hand and gripping it tightly._

_There was a spark of magic, and a small circular tattoo inked itself upon my left shoulder blade as we agreed to the bargain._

_“If you’re going to advise me, then I have something you need to see,” I said, offering my arm again. I winnowed us to the heart of Velaris. and she gasped. It was a happy coincidence that night had just fallen, which meant my city was at its finest._

_“It’s...incredible,” she whispered, under her breath._

_Her wild eyes had lit up, drinking in everything around us. I smiled, finally feeling at home for the first time in ages._

_“Thank you. It’s been kept a secret for a reason, though. Our court’s reputation protects this place as much as the wards around this city,” I said, and she nodded, understanding._

_Before I could get more explanation out, Amren was striding towards a jewelry store._

_“Mother, mother, look who it is! It’s the High Lord!” A child shouted, waving at me wildly as she clung to her mother’s hand. She jumped and down at the sight of me, her blonde pigtails bouncing. I smiled at the youngling and waved to her. Her mother offered me a respectful bow of her head and swept the girl away to wherever they were headed._

_Mor had been right, I needed to see my people as much as they needed to see me. I wanted to earn the respect that mother had shown me. I looked back to Amren, and caught the shop door closing as she entered it. I followed behind her quickly. She wove between the store’s glass cases and shelves, staring intently at the jewelry within. She investigated each piece with a collector’s eye, stopping to admire a black gem that sat within a pearl box._

_“If you like it, it’s yours,” I said, and she gaped at me._

_I beckoned to the shopkeeper and he walked over to us, sketching a bow._

_“What can I do for you, my Lord?” He asked, and I pointed at the gem and box set._

_“I’d like to buy this for my new friend,” I replied. He smiled and unlocked the case, wrapping the set in tissue paper and placing it within a gift box. I paid him for the gift, which I promptly handed to Amren, and walked with her outside._

_“That was unnecessary, High Lord,” she said, walking towards a bench on the sidewalk. She sat down upon it, crossing her legs, and I sat down beside her._

_“It’s Rhys, by the way. And it seemed like you wanted it,” I said with a shrug._

_“I like beautiful things,” she replied, fidgeting with the gift box in her lap._

_“As do I,” I said, smirking as I looked back at her. She was beautiful in the same way that a thunderstorm was beautiful. She exuded danger, yet there was something about her that kept me from looking away._

_Amren quirked an eyebrow up at my response, and there was a mirthful glint in her eyes. She didn't acknowledge the comment, but looked behind me with curiosity._

_“It seems the Morrigan has returned to make sure you're still living,” she said, waving casually at her._

_I cringed at the sound of heels clicking on the sidewalk behind me as I realized that I owed Mor an explanation as to why I was sitting in our hidden city, with an ancient fae being that had broken into my palace. She walked up behind me, placing her hand on my shoulder._

_“A word,_ **_my Lord_ ** _?” She said through gritted teeth._

_I turned to her, then glanced back at Amren, who was still looking rather amused._

_“If you'll excuse us,” I said, standing up as Mor pulled me into an alleyway._

_“What exactly is going on?” She asked, as soon as we were out of earshot._

_“I've made her a part of the inner circle,” I replied, bracing myself for her reaction._

_“Surely you're joking,” she said, her face a mask of incredulity as she stared at me._

_“No, and I think you'll learn soon that she'll be a valuable asset to us,” I replied. She shook her head._

_“I know you’ve been stuck in your office for a very long time, but are you losing your mind? This is madness, and I'm sure Cassian and Azriel would—” she started but was interrupted by a familiar voice._

_“Would what?” Cassian asked, walking towards us with Azriel in tow._

_“Agree with me,” Mor finished, shooting him a pointed look._

_He shrugged and looked at me with curiosity._

_“What's going on?” He asked and I filled everyone in on my earlier conversation with Amren._

_To Cassian and Azriel’s credit, if they thought me as mad as Mor did, they didn't show it._

_“Well, the more the merrier, I say. If we want to get this court whipped into shape, we can use all the help we can get.  Ancient fae monster or not,” Cassian said and I nodded._

_“Thank you! And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to get Amren and then we can meet you all at dinner,” I said and exited the alleyway._

_I returned to where I had left Amren. I found her sitting cross-legged on the bench where we’d been sitting, still admiring the gem I bought her in the light of the street lamps. She looked radiant sitting there, the light from the lamps behind her giving her a sort of ethereal glow. Her dark hair framed her face, those silver eyes so intensely focused on the gem she turned over in her palm. I could sense the sheer power radiating off of her, and it drew me in._

_I sat down beside her, and smiled._

_“I want you to meet the rest of my inner circle at dinner,” I said and she laughed._

_“I think your definition of ‘dinner’ and mine are quite different,” she replied, slipping the gem back into the box. She looked up at me with a smirk._

_“I suppose we could always skip dinner and go straight to my bedroom,” I replied, completely serious._

_But my mouth had been moving faster than my brain._

_Mother above, what had I just done?_

_She was beautiful and of course I wanted her in my bed, but I couldn't believe I actually said that. I knew so little about her. Perhaps, I had just signed my own death warrant. Stupid, stupid, stupid._

_Amren stared at me, her face an emotionless mask. I was absolutely positive she could read the regret and slight fear on my face, as I realized what I had just said._

_Then, she did something utterly unexpected._

_Her mask crumpled and I watched as the female before me burst out into peals of  laughter. She was laughing so heartily, her entire little body shook with it. By the time she regained her composure, my ego had taken quite the blow and she was wiping tears from her eyes._

_“Ab—absolutely not,” she choked out as the last of her giggles subsided._

_I was unused to rejection, but it had been completely uncouth of me to ask in the first place, so I had no hard feelings about it. I nodded at her response. Then she grinned and stood up._

_“Well! Now that you know where you stand, High Lord, let’s go meet your friends. I'm sure they're just dying to meet me,” she said with a chuckle, and I led her to the restaurant where Cassian, Azriel and Mor were waiting. As the night continued, and I saw her interacting with my group, I got a notion that our circle may finally be complete._


	7. Chapter 7

I withdrew from my mate’s mind on purpose this time, laughing as I did. He glanced down at where I was lying on his chest and quirked an eyebrow up at me.

“Something funny, darling?” He asked, a smile creeping onto his face as he watched me.

I couldn’t answer him. The image of Amren laughing her ass off at Rhys’s invitation had me in pieces. He waited patiently until I could breathe again.

“That...that was the best thing I’ve seen in a very long time,” I said, once I had completely regained my composure.

He shook his head, yet I could feel the affection flooding our bond.

“Glad to know someone besides Amren found that amusing,” he replied.

I leaned up and kissed his cheek before returning to my spot against his chest. Leisurely, his hands worked their way into my hair, gently toying with it as I stared up at the canopy above us. I sighed, enjoying the fact that we had some rare time to ourselves.

“If you have any questions, by the way, feel free to ask them,” he said after several long, quiet moments,

“Questions?”

“I realized just now that I’ve just been showing you memories as they’ve occurred to me, and there hasn’t been much rhyme or reason to it,” he said, sounding a bit apologetic.

“Don’t think I can keep up?” I asked.

“Of course you can,” he chuckled.

“Then don’t worry about it, I’ll let you know if I get lost. These are your memories, after all. You show them to me as you see fit. I’m managing just fine,”

He kissed my forehead, and gently eased me off of him, sitting up.

“Well, I don't know about you, Feyre darling, but I'm famished. How about we take a break for food and return to this later?” He offered and until he mentioned it, I hadn't realized how hungry I was.

I nodded, and got off of the bed, following Rhys.

We exited Calliope’s bedroom and he led us up a steep winding stairway.

“It was originally intended for servants, but as children Calliope and I realized that it serves as a brilliant shortcut to the main dining room,” Rhys said, his hand holding tightly to mine and we walked up the stone stairway.

“Not that the servants got much use out of it, anyway. Her bedroom is the only one on this level, and eventually she forbid them from coming down here to clean,” he continued, leading us through a corridor that placed us only a few feet away from the dining room.

“Why would she do that?” I asked and he smirked.

“Well, as you saw earlier with that pile of dresses on the ground, she enjoyed living like an absolute cave troll. It's a wonder you can see the floor of her chambers. I assume she cleaned before she left. Her habitual messiness drove my mother absolutely crazy,” he laughed, and I noticed that he seemed happier.

Somehow being able to speak freely with me about his family had seemed to lift a weight off of his shoulders. It was so different than the time he'd told me that Tamlin had betrayed him, but things were so different now. We had been through hell together and come out on the other side better for it.

When we arrived in the dining room, our inner circle was there. Well, with the exception of Amren, who apparently had somewhere else she needed to be. Everyone had already begun piling food onto their plates, tired of waiting for us any longer.

“I hope you left us something besides the scraps,” Rhys laughed, grabbing a plate and helping himself to the grilled chicken and mashed potatoes in front of him. I did the same, then sat down on his right.

“Better late than never, but never late is better,” Mor murmured, pouring herself a glass of wine.

I raised an eyebrow at her, and she shrugged.

“That was a favorite saying of Rhys’s mother,” she explained and I couldn't help but laugh.

_Does she know that we've spent the last several hours invested in your family life?_

I asked, relaying it through the bond I shared with my mate.

_Not as far as I know._

He replied and I glanced back at Mor, who was looking at me with curiosity.

“Did I miss a joke?” She asked with a grin and I shook my head. Rhys took it upon himself to explain.

“No, it's just funny you should mention my mother. We've been downstairs in Calliope’s room for the past few hours, and I've been trying to catch Feyre up on my past,” he said, and the table exchanged looks of incredulity and interest.

“You actually went in her room?” Cassian asked, gaping at the two of us.

“Well, I stumbled upon it, and Rhys found me there,” I answered.

“I've been showing her some memories of Calliope and mother, and a few others that are significant to me and you all. We’ll probably head back downstairs after we eat,” Rhys said, taking a sip of his wine.

The table grew quiet, as we continued eating. I wondered if they were lost in their own memories.

“Laurel and Calliope would have loved you, Feyre. I think Rhys is honoring their memories by letting you see how they were,” Cassian said, breaking the silence. He grabbed a dinner roll from a basket in front of him, and buttered it.

His words warmed my heart. He offered me a grin, and I smiled back.

“It’s true. And I think they both would have been excited to see our court ruled by a High Lady, I wish they were here for it,” Mor added.

The others nodded their agreement, but I noticed that Azriel had barely looked up from his food. He seemed intensely focused on cutting into his chicken, but the shadows around him had grown darker.

Rhys noticed too, I could sense it, but he didn’t say anything.

We continued our meal, which mostly consisted of Cassian and Mor suggesting ideas of memories that Rhys should show me. Azriel never contributed, and excused himself as soon as he finished his meal, tossing his napkin on the table and leaving quickly.

 _Is he alright?_ I asked Rhys, casting a sideways glance at him, as I finished the last of my potatoes.

_He misses my sister. We have all dealt with the grief of losing her in our own ways. It’s hard for him to talk about her._

I nodded, understanding. There were times when I thought grief might consume me, and although time had helped, it was still hard. I still thought about Clare Beddor and the faeries I had killed for Tamlin’s sake. I laid down my fork, no longer hungry for dessert.

Our meal ended with my mate promising to honor Cassian and Mor’s requests for specific memories they wanted him to share.

“We don't actually have to do this in her bedroom if it's too stuffy down there,” Rhys said as we exited the dining room, heading for the service stairway.

“Actually, I kind of like it down there. It's peaceful,” I replied, and he smiled.

“It is. I think it’s one of the quieter parts of the palace. There’s a bench further down this corridor that was a favorite reading spot of mine when I was a child,” he remarked, as we found our way back into Calliope’s bedroom. I returned to my spot on the bed, and Rhys joined me.

He slumped into the pile of decorative pillows on the bed, and I crawled over to him. He wrapped an arm around me, and took a deep breath.

“I think you should see how much Azriel cared for Calliope. I rarely saw them together because I was gone so often, but I can remember a time when I learned something of love from their relationship. Ready?” He asked, and I nodded, brushing against his shields once more. He left a gap open for me, and I was reliving his memories onces more.

_I sat beside a campfire, picking cooked  meat off of the bones of a quail, when a high fae palace guard appeared before me. Once he had regained his bearings from winnowing, he approached me. His sudden appearance drew the attention of every warrior sitting around me. Some of them were already standing, hands on their weapons._

_“Settle down,” I ordered, and they returned to their seats, eyeing the newcomer warily._

_“The High Lord has summoned you, Commander,” the male spoke and I sighed._

_“Of course. Evron, you're in charge until I return,” I said, passing my duties to my second in command. He nodded, and I stood, following the guard away from the campfire. Then, we left, winnowing back to the mountain palace._

_I walked to my father’s study, reporting to him about the goings on of the camp I was commanding. The meeting with him was long and tedious, but he seemed pleased when I finished. Apparently I was making adequate progress training the newer recruits in my camp. It was late in the evening before we finished._

_“Where’s Mother?” I asked, exiting the study with my father following behind me._

_“She's probably in bed already, Rhysand. You can see her in the morning at breakfast. She mentioned that she'd like you to stay for the week if you can. If Evron can handle himself, that is,” he replied, sounding rather displeased at the idea._

_I nodded, considering._

_“I'll sleep on it and let you know in the morning. Good night, Father,” I said, walking with him to the stairs where we would split to go our separate ways._

_“Very well. Good night, son,” he said, turning to go on his way. I turned toward the hallway, when I heard his footsteps stop._

_“Oh and Rhysand?” He asked, turning toward me. I stopped and faced him._

_“Yes, sir?”_

_“I'm proud of what you've accomplished with the warriors,” he said and turned away before I could respond._

_He was proud of me? My father? Proud? I didn't want the words to mean so much to me, but they did. And I hated myself for caring. I supposed it  was something about the fact that I so seldom heard him speak to me that way._

_I found my way down the service stairway that led to Calliope’s bedroom. I wanted to see her before I went to bed, and tell her what our father had said to me. She'd have an opinion on it, of course. It had been ages since I'd visited, and she was an excellent confidant. I hoped she was awake._

_I was wandering down the stone corridor when I heard the sound of female sobs coming from down the hallway. I broke into a sprint, and found her quickly._

_There was my sister, sitting in a heap on the ground, only a short distance from her bedroom. She was shaking, her body wracked with sobs._

_“Cal,” I murmured, kneeling down beside her._

_“Rhys?” She choked out, looking up at the sound of my voice. Tears were streaming down her face, and her violet eyes were red and puffy from crying._

_“Calliope, what’s wrong? What’s happened?” I asked, and she shook her head._

_“I— I couldn’t save her,” she cried, burying her face in her hands._

_“Who? Who couldn’t you save?” I asked._

_I had never seen her this distraught. She was usually calm and controlled, even when things went horribly wrong._

_“I don’t even know her name,” she said, her eyes wide. The realization had just occurred to her, thanks to me. Damn it._

_“I need you to help me, I don’t know how to make this better. Tell me how,” I said, urgency creeping into my voice as I became desperate to help her._

_“Can you just— please, I want Azriel,” she whispered, and I nodded._

_She was heartbroken and he was the only person she wanted._

_“I can do that, I’ll be right back, okay?” I said, and sprinted upstairs to find him._

_I pounded on the door to his quarters. He opened the door, bleary eyed, wearing only sleep pants._

_“Yes?” He asked, and I grabbed him by the arm, pulling him down the hall with me._

_“Come with me, Cal needs you, I don’t know what’s going on, but she needs you,” I said, letting him go as he followed, running beside me down the hallways, to the stairs, and then down the corridor where she was still sitting._

_He fell to his knees in front of her._

_“I'm here, I'm here,” he murmured, and she looked up at him._

_It felt intrusive, watching him with her, but I was worried and couldn't bear the thought of leaving her in the state she was in._

_He took his scarred hands and brushed the tears from her cheeks. She seemed to calm a bit at his presence. They were good together._

_“Come now, love. You need rest, I've got you,” I heard him say, and he scooped her into his arms._

_I stepped forward to help, but he picked her up like she weighed nothing. Her arms slid around his neck, and she buried her face against his chest. She was still shivering. As he stood with her, his shadows swarmed together and covered her like a blanket, and her shaking lessened._

_He walked towards her bedroom door, and I opened it for them, stepping out of their way. Azriel carried my sister over to her bed, deftly stepping over her scattered clothes and shoes on the floor. Then, he carefully lowered her onto her pillows, pulling up the covers and tucking her in. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and turned to leave._

_“No, please stay with me,” she spoke, her voice slightly hoarse from her sobbing._

_He stopped in his tracks, turned around, and sat down the edge of her bed. He looked hesitant to make himself comfortable with me standing there. I took it as my cue to leave, but before I did, I needed to know._

_“Cal, can we talk about what happened? I've never seen you like this,” I asked, walking over to her bedside from my position by the door._

_“Is now really the time, Rhys?” Azriel snarled, shooting me an irritated glance._

_I ignored the comment and looked to my sister, who still looked completely shaken. Azriel was trying to protect her, I understood that. But she was my twin and she sure as hell didn't need to be protected from me._

_“Az, it's fine.  I was called to midwife at an Illyrian camp, and I— couldn't save the mother. The labor was long and hard— I did everything I knew to do. But she just kept...bleeding. I...I poured all of my magic into healing her, and even still—” she said, her voice catching in her throat._

_“The life just drained from her...I felt—I felt powerless,” she whispered and I understood._

_She and I, we had always been powerful. At times, devastatingly so. When we'd first come into our powers, we had wreaked havoc trying to get it under control. Now, we knew how to channel it. She was the healer. I was the warrior. We would make a perfect team on a battlefield. We still couldn't defeat death, however._

_“That's why you've been shaking...you completely exhausted your magic,” Azriel murmured, and she nodded at his comment._

_“Cal, there was nothing more you could have done,” I said, reaching forward to squeeze her hand._

_She squeezed it weakly in return._

_“I'll see you in the morning. Try to sleep, okay?”_

_She nodded again and I hugged her._

_“Take care of her, Azriel,” I said and exited the room, thoughts of my father’s words far from my mind._

_My chest ached as I returned to my empty bedroom. There was no one there for me. I doubted there ever would be. I sometimes had guests in my bed, sure. But I would never have someone that'd come running to me in the middle of the night because they loved me. I would never have someone that loved me when I was at my weakest._

“Until you, Feyre darling,” I heard Rhys’s voice through our bond, a wave of affection washing over me as the memory ended.


	8. Mor (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING for abuse mentions/graphic violence**song credit to Celtic Women, "Nil S'en La"**

“Mor gave me permission to share this with you, it’s...heavy, but she wants you to know what happened to her and how my sister helped. They were such close friends and she was there for Mor when she needed her,” I heard my mate say in my mind as the previous memory shifted into something new. 

_ I landed at the mountain cabin, my feet dragging into the snow as I jogged to a stop. Azriel landed hard beside me, cradling Mor’s broken body in his arms. I sprinted ahead, throwing open the door for him. He followed behind me quickly, and immediately ran to a bedroom.  _

_ “Calliope!” I called, and she ran to me from the den.  _

_ “You found her?”   _

_ “Azriel did. Hurry, she needs healing,” I gestured for her to follow me.  _

_ When we entered the bedroom, the metallic scent of blood immediately hit my nose. Azriel carefully eased Mor onto the bed, immediately staining the white sheets with her blood. Thankfully, it disappeared quickly, the domestic magic of the house taking over.  _

_ “I—I don’t know if I can do this—” Calliope froze, gaping at Mor.  _

_ Our cousin was almost unrecognizable. Her long blonde hair was caked with mud, blood, and twigs. Azriel had told me that he found her dumped on the forest floor at the Autumn Court border. Mor was completely naked, her golden skin marred with bruises that had already begun to purple.  _

_ The normally breathtaking features of her face were swollen and stained with tears.  _

_ Angry, red, whip lashes and welts crisscrossed her belly, breasts, and backside. Her wrists and ankles were raw and bleeding from the way she had been chained during her torture.  _

_ My eyes landed on the nail impaling her abdomen, and I nearly had to turn away. There was a note attached, with Keir’s handwriting.  _

_ “Keep your whore, free of charge”, it said.  _

_ My stomach turned, and I thought I might vomit.  _

_“Yes you can, Cal._ ** _Get your shit together_** **_and help her_** _,” Azriel demanded, speaking for the first time since we’d arrived._

_ I had never heard him speak anything but kindly to my sister, but somehow he’d just managed to shock her out of the state she was in.  _

_ She shot him a glare, but immediately began working.  _

_ “You both need to stay out of my way,” Calliope hissed.  _

_ We moved to a corner of the bedroom, making sure she had enough space. She snapped her fingers, and Mor’s skin was immediately clean enough that she could start healing her.  _

_ She quickly assessed Mor’s injuries, noting her shallow breaths and monitoring her pulse. Her focused honed in on the nail. Carefully, she removed the note from our cousin’s abdomen and tossed it into the fireplace.  _

_ “Rhys, I need you to help me get this nail out,” Calliope said, her voice detached, calculating.  _

_ “How?”  _

_ “She’s been fading in and out of consciousness. Get in her head. Make sure she’s asleep and feels no pain from this,” she replied.  _

_ I nodded, moving a step closer to Mor’s bedside. I watched as Calliope summoned her magic. Inky black whirls of night coated her hands, with stars flickering at her fingertips.  _

_ She rested her left hand on Mor’s belly, and the right hand gripped the nail. She would heal the internal wounds as she slowly removed it, so Mor wouldn’t lose any more blood. Calliope shut her eyes, summoning to mind a mental image of exactly what and where she would be healing.  _

_ “Now, Rhys.” _

_ I obeyed, finding my way into Mor’s mind with ease. Her white marble shields were completely down. I was wary of going further in, afraid of getting trapped. Injured people sometimes reflexively close their shields, their minds trying to protect themselves after trauma. I probably could have forced her to sleep without delving into her mind, but it was a crude, awful thing to do, especially to someone I cared about.  _

_ Something clutched at my leg. Shocked, I looked down to find a little girl. She was blonde and tiny, no older than three. She wore a purple dress and her hair was in pigtail braids. The child looked up at me with familiar brown eyes.  _

_ “Oh, hello,” I murmured, squatting down to her eye level.  _

_ The child backed away from my leg, and looked as though she’d been crying.  _

_ “Don’t tell my daddy where I am, please, I’m scared,” she whispered, her little body shaking with fear.  _

_ “Mor?” I whispered, and the little girl nodded, swiping a chubby hand at her nose.  _

_ “It’s alright. I won’t tell. We’re friends. It’s just me, Rhys,” I said, opening my arms to her.  _

_ She reached for me and I picked her up. She buried her face in my shoulder, weeping, and I sat down with her.  _

_ “My—everything—hurts. P-please help me, Rhys, please,” she cried, her small voice muffled against my shoulder.  _

_ “Shhh...there, there...I know it’s scary. I know everything hurts. You’re being so brave. You just need to go to sleep now, okay? Just sleep,” I rocked the girl in my arms, patting her back.  _

_ “Sleep now, Mor. Let me take the pain away. You’re safe here. I’ve got you. You’re safe now,” I murmured, and her cries seemed to slowly lessen.  _

_ I wanted to sing to her. My mother had always sang me to sleep when I was a child, but the lyrics to every lullaby escaped me. The only thing that came to mind was an old Night Court drinking song.  _

_ “Tell me that the Night is long, tell me that the moon is glowing, fill my glass, I’ll sing a song, and we’ll start the music flowing...” I sang, rocking her in time.  _

_ “Never mind the rising light, there’s no sign of Day or Dawning, in my heart it’s still the Night and we’ll stay here ‘till the morning,” I continued, repeating the only bits I could remember until she settled.  _

_ I held her until I was certain she was asleep, then carefully laid her down. I withdrew from Mor’s mind, blinking as I adjusted to seeing the bedroom once again.  _

_ “How long?” I asked, and Azriel answered.  _

_ “You’ve been in her head for half an hour or so, her breathing got steadier when you rid her of the pain. She didn’t so much as flinch when Calliope removed the nail.” _

_ I sighed, relieved that I could help in some small way.  _

_ I watched as Calliope cleaned and bandaged Mor’s wrists and ankles. There was a fresh bandage on the spot where the nail had been, as well.  _

_ “Can we help with anything?” Azriel asked, and my sister shook her head.  _

_ “You two could help by killing whoever is responsible for this,” Calliope said, carefully applying a balm to a massive slash across our cousin’s torso.  _

_ “She needs us here. She can take her vengeance when she’s well,” Azriel murmured, watching Calliope closely.  _

_ She sighed, nodding.  _

_ Then she slowly pressed her trembling, night-coated fingertips to the wound, and I watched as it slowly sealed itself shut.  _

_ Wordlessly, she carefully slid Morrigan into a soft cotton nightgown, taking special care to keep from hurting her any further. She tucked her into the bed, and our cousin finally looked something like herself, again.  _

_ My sister grabbed a chair from a desk by the window, and positioned it at the head of Mor’s bed. Then she began slowly trying to work the twigs and leaves from the tangles of her best friend’s hair.  _

_ I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen a more compassionate act. Even after watching her exhaust her magic to heal Mor, somehow this was more humbling. The princess of the Night Court, third in line to the throne, was using her exhausted, shaking hands just to make her friend more comfortable. It wasn’t necessary, and it could have waited until Mor woke up. But still she worked.  _

_ “If you two would like to go downstairs and eat or sleep, feel welcome to. I’m staying right here for the evening,” Calliope murmured, tossing a handful of twigs into a waste basket.  _

_ “I’ll bring some food up for everyone,” Azriel said, excusing himself.  _

_ I wished for another chair, and it appeared. It was well cushioned and I sat down upon it, leaning it against the wall. Calliope and I sat in a long silence for a while.  _

_ “If you think Az and I are going to sleep tonight, you’re delusional,” I spoke, breaking the silence.  _

_ My sister glanced up at me. There was no smile on her face, but I could see a small flash of mirth in her eyes.  _

_ “Believe me, I’m aware that neither of you know what’s good for you,” she murmured, her voice sounding as tired as she looked.  _

_ “Cal, you did a great job tonight. She’ll be okay, thanks to you,” I said, as she continued to work through our cousin’s hair.  _

_ “I always hoped I’d never have to heal her. It had occurred to me that you, Cassian, or Az might need it someday, you’re warriors, after all. But my best friend? What’s the point of all this power if you can’t even protect those you care about?”  _

_ She never looked up from her work, but I could hear her voice thicken with the weight of trying to hold back tears.  _

_ “Promise me something, Rhys.” _

_ “Anything.” _

_ “When you’re our High Lord someday, promise you’ll do everything to make sure something like this never happens again. Promise you’ll always protect our friends, if there’s any way you can,” Calliope said, her voice wavering a bit.  _

_ “I promise.” _

_ “I know that’s a big thing to say, but I’ll always be here to help you. We can keep them safe together.” _


End file.
